Canadian Broadcasting Corporation

Hyper Parents & Coddled Children finally aired this week and I was not disappointed. I have been waiting for this documentary for quite some time and it is finally here. CBC or the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation does some fine work and this documentary is no exception.

My keen interest in this documentary is because of two things. It was in line with my own opinions and who doesn’t like hearing that what they think is correct and that some of the documentary features the community I work in.

This documentary takes a close look at how parents today are undermining  their children’s potential  by creating an environment where they struggle for nothing.  A world where they never feel bad, get hurt or have to struggle.

Our children are growing up in an insipid world where the emotions of fear, anxiety and  sadness are absent and replaced with instant gratification, a Pandora’s box which has only just been opened.

This documentary looks at how parents…

• Over Schedule
• Over Protect
• Over spend
• Over stimulate
• Over manage
• Overbear

Kids are no longer left to be kids and we are screwing up our children for life. For many this fine piece of work will be lost but for me it was yet another bit of  affirmation that Old school parenting is still the way to go.

Well it happened, after many years of battling Parkinson’s, my father finally lost his fight.

I have to say I am glad he no longer has to suffer the pain and the indignity that he was subjected to in his final months. For someone who lived his life with honor, honesty and hard work he had a great deal of difficulty becoming helpless and dependent on others for his most basic of needs.

What was really interesting however is that when he was finally gone, It was like his last few months and even years were no longer the focus of our thoughts. Our father, grandfather and uncle of days gone by, began to re emerge  and there was a collective celebration of the man we knew and loved.

There was no sadness or pity about the way my father left this world but only feelings of gratitude and happiness for having known someone who always did his best to make the lives of his family and friends better for having been touched by his humour or his gargantuan helping hands.

Myself, I have to thank him for giving me his uncommon patience, selflessness and sense of humour. These are things I will take with me to my grave and hope friends and family will remember me for when it is my time to leave this world.

I will miss my father more than I could ever express in this blog but I am comforted by knowing that I have had the good fortune to have been his son.

Thanks dad!

I have to say, I  just howled when I saw this book being advertised online and just had to give it a read. It had that Old School Parenting ring to it and I couldn’t let it pass by without a comment. If nothing else buy this book  to leave laying out when you have those friends with the hellion children over.

Now what makes this book a little out of the ordinary is its author. Larry Winget is hardly what some might consider a parenting guru,  at least from the outside looking in. Larry looks more like he belongs on the cover of NASCAR Weekly magazine rather than Parenting Today. If the title of his book doesn’t take you aback, his physical appearance and Southern drawl certainly will. Winget definitely is not what we have come to expect from the typical “parenting expert”.

As if Larry’s book title and physical appearance weren’t enough, his background leading up this book is certainly out of the ordinary as well. Known in self help circles as the “Pit Bull of Personal Development”;  Larry’s previous books have focused on motivating people to get off their sorry butts and work towards personal and financial success. I have to say I haven’t read his previous two books You’re Broke Because You Want To Be and Its Called Work For A Reason but I just might give them a go after reading his latest.

This all comes together to beg the question… What is god’s name does Larry know about parenting? Well he knows just as much as the rest of us but what makes him new and interesting in the Parenting Help Book industry is that he is a throw back to the good old days when men were men, women were women and parents parented. This is completely void of the Namby Pamby parenting that has been the method dejuré for the past couple decades.

Larry lays it on the line and for the most part he gets it right. He even advocates talking to your kids about sex, which is almost new age when you think about it. I didn’t love everything though but hey no one is perfect.

I could have done without some of the anecdotal stuff not that it was bad but some of it was not necessary. The ADD section could and should have been addressed better, as it is a “parenting issue” and kids ARE over medicated but if you re going to mention it, you need to delve into it a bit deeper. Giving a  it a  simple “ADD wasn’t around when I was a kid” is not good enough. There is far more to it than just that and deserves a little more insight.

All in all the book is good and worth a read. It is definitely Old School Parenting in New Age World

As I have said a number of times in my Just Say No series, this philosophy is not about depriving your child of their wants, needs or opportunities.  Just Say No is more about teaching a child about the realities of life. Just Say No is about teaching your child that in life there are boundaries which they must respect, things they cannot have and perhaps most importantly there will be disappointment and sadness with which they must deal.

I personally dislike saying NO  more often than I enjoy uttering this simple little adverb. I don’t particularity get any maniacal pleasure out of denying my childrens’ requests but sometimes it is necessary for my sanity, my bank account and most importantly my children’s emotional health.

The reality is, that the odds are stacked against a child that goes through life never wanting for anything or having to deal with the emotions associated with denial and disappointment. As this type of child grows into an adult, they are almost guaranteed to encounter  issues around self esteem, depression and anger as they try and navigate a world which has no interest in accommodating their every want and need.

It is crucial that children encounter denial and the emotion of disappointment on a frequent basis. This is especially important to do this when they are young and the things to which you are saying NO to are small and insignificant. It is during this time you have the opportunity to help your child experience disappointment in a safe, nurturing environment while you teach them appropriate responses and behaviors associated with this emotion.

As your child grows and the things to which you need to say NO to are more significant, your child should respond in an appropriate manner. What is perhaps even more rewarding is that when you do say “YES”, your child may actually feel genuine gratitude and perhaps even joy as a result of your generous accommodation of their request.

If we use my daughters desire for an ipod as an example, (See Previous Post) besides there being absolutely no need for her to have one at age 10, we are accomplishing a number of things by denying her request.

• We are giving her the opportunity to be disappointed.
• We have an opportunity to teach her the appropriate response to being told NO.
• It allows her to come to terms and to cope with this denial.
• It teaches her that simply because she wants something, does not mean she will get it.
• It teaches her patience. (good things come to those who wait)
• It allows us to set expectations and criteria which need to be met before we will even consider getting her an iPod.
• It sets her up for a truly joyous event when she does get an iPod.
• It provides my wife and I the opportunity to teach a lesson about gratitude.
• It teaches her about self respect and bolsters her self esteem.

It is simply common sense. Giving children everything they want does absolutely nothing to prepare them for their lives as adults. Life is about earning your way not about having everything handed to you.

Ok perhaps I am a bit old school but why in gods name does a child of 10 need and ipod?

An iPod seems to be the must have gift of this holiday season for my eldest daughter but I am having a great deal of difficulty rationalizing why a child of ten years needs one.

If I am to look at the hard numbers of such a Christmas gift, assuming that each song she were to download was of the best possible quality at 320 kilobytes per second and in the neighborhood of 3 minutes long. A basic 8 gig iPod would hold about 1080 songs.

The problem is, this child’s play list is comprised of about 12 songs! from Miley Cyrus to Taylor Swift, Earth Wind & Fire and Steely Dan (don’t ask me about the last two). My daily incoming emails on my ipod touch take up more room. By the time she has a play list worth bragging about she will want the next best version and anything we got her this Christmas will be passe’

To buy her a iPod at this point would be based more on my own stupidity than her perceived need.

I discussed this with my students today at the end of class and they thought I was unnecessarily mean. They just couldn’t make the connection between the discrepancy between my daughters want and her actual needs. It was a stark lesson in how removed from reality our youth seem to be. Parents are seen as  nothing more than dispensers of goods based on our children’s momentary wants.

I think it is safe to say that an iPod is not in our daughters Christmas present. Perhaps one day we will weaken when the play list reaches a number beyond 100 but until then, I love being the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.